Author Engaging in a Conflict with an Elephant

Riding Elephants and the exhausted Rider: Navigating Habit Formation

Functioning like a rider perched on an elephant has been a common struggle when introducing new habits into one's life, haven't you? Imagining the scenario, you're the rider with eager anticipation for a fresh adventure, gleaming reins in your hands and a glimmer of hope in your heart. But the elephant, oh, that stubborn beast refuses to move! What follows is an arduous process of coercion, threats, bribery, and manipulation, only to find the poor, depleted rider collapsing in exhaustion, defeated, wondering if the elephant would ever cooperate.

In truth, this analogy is a metaphor for the constant internal battle we face between our rational self and our emotional self—a struggle that mental models help illustrate, such as the one provided in "Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard" by Dan and Chip Heath. This profound book sheds light on the complex duality within our brains:

"Imagine, if you will, a rider on the back of an elephant, reins in hand and a clear goal in mind, excited for a new adventure. But the elephant doesn't want to move. The rider might think that by pulling harder on the reins, he or she can wear the elephant down, but the elephant is stronger and has the power to carry the rider much faster, once ready. The rider must understand the elephant's needs, work alongside it, and slowly build a bond strong enough for the elephant to want to move forward" (Heath & Heath, 2011).

The rider, in this metaphor, represents our rational mind, the all-powerful decision-maker, logical-thinker, and capable controller. The elephant, however, symbolizes our emotional brain responsible for our feelings, memories, and automatic behaviors. In essence, our emotional brain outweighs our rational brain by a landslide, making the elephant six times stronger than the rider.

Setting out on the journey of implementing new habits, we devise strategies, goals, and create rational arguments that excite the rider, but often lead to dissatisfaction and feelings of failure. Ultimately, we find the elephant isn't emotionally invested, which puts the blame on it for standing in the way of progress. That is until we understand the need to work harmoniously with the elephant.

This post won't delve into the full process of empathizing with the elephant's wants and needs, but instead, we'll focus on the importance of sparing our rider's energy to establish new habits effectively.

Reflecting on the analogy, the entire process of trying to move the elephant feels miserable—draining, fruitless, hopeless. These same words succinctly describe my personal struggles when I repeatedly experienced failures in establishing new habits or reaching specific goals.

Let's take the example of a goal to exercise regularly, say, going to the gym three times a week. Initially, the rider and the elephant are invested—pumped with excitement about the prospect of improving physical fitness and self-image. However, as the elephant doesn't see quick and easy results, its enthusiasm dwindles, and it becomes challenging to use willpower and force both the rider and the elephant to adhere to the new routine.

This pattern may seem familiar to you—having grand plans but struggling to execute, caving to cravings, and wallowing in feelings of failure and self-doubt. If that's the case, it's essential to acknowledge that self-control and willpower are invaluable yet limited resources. Success in performing automatic tasks and habits requires little to no willpower or self-control, while breaking an automatic task for a new habit necessitates expending some measure of energy.

In my quest for self-improvement, I found my limitations in willpower and self-control time and time again. Determined to make lasting changes, I tackled multiple goals simultaneously: curbing purposeless social media scrolling, improving my nutrition, running after work, and writing every morning.

As I began to implement these changes, I found myself stuck in a loop of failure. I'd get up in the morning to write, no problem. However, the rest of the day would become a volatile battle between the magnetic pull of social media, compulsive snack cravings, and the desire to simply give up. Every time I caved, I would beat myself up, feeling like I should be able to successfully overcome negative habits and start running again. It wasn't until I read "Switch" that I understood the predicament I was in:

"When you hear people say that change is hard because people are lazy or resistant, that's just wrong. In fact, the exact opposite is true: change is hard because people wear themselves out... What looks like laziness is often exhaustion" (Heath & Heath, 2011).

I was not lazy, nor undisciplined. I had achieved success in some of my goals and was growing stronger in others. Yet, I had also overextended my focus to too many habits at once, leaving my rider exhausted, depleted, and ultimately, ill-equipped to take on new challenges.

After realizing this pitfall, I was able to show compassion toward myself, understanding that I needed to reduce my focus on multiple simultaneous goals and instead allow some of the existing habits to become automatic. This shift resulted in a waterfall effect—establishing new habits became easier, one after the other.

To wrap up this analogy, our challenge lies in striking the right balance between nurturing our rider and communicating with the elephant. Relying too heavily on the rational mind and the subsequent exhaustion of the rider can lead to feelings of failure, confusion, and overwhelming disappointment. Simultaneously, neglecting the emotional side of our brain leaves us powerless in achieving our goals and maintaining positive habits that last.

Emotional investment, gentle encouragement, and a well-executed plan are key components to getting the elephant on board with our goals. By doing so, the elephant will feel empowered, strong, and motivated to move forward in harmony with the rider, achieving the great adventure we've always imagined.

What tales of struggle and triumph have you encountered in the long haul for forming a habit or achieving a goal? Share your stories and experiences with us! Let the journey continue!

About the Editor

Courtney Larkin is an editor and a self-proclaimed aficionado of Harry Potter. In her free time, she enjoys binge-watching The Office, undertaking home renovation projects, and devouring entire buckets of popcorn. Courtney resides with her husband, Zach, and cat, Winnie, in American Fork, Utah. Meet more of Courtney at larkinediting.com.

About the Illustrator

Artist Annabelle Ok is based in Salt Lake City and has spent the last seven years perfecting her digital drawing skills. Drawing inspiration from Saturday morning cartoons, Annabelle expresses her creative spirit through various artistic mediums. See more of Annabelle's work at @annie.ok.art.

Heath, Chip, & Dan Heath. (2011). Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. Random House Business Books.

Enrichment Data

Changing habits requires a holistic approach: To create lasting change, focus on addressing both your emotional and rational selves.
Routine makes changes easier: Discover the Small Wins technique, which slowly builds momentum by starting with tiny, achievable goals, such as a one-sentence writing habit.
Stack habits for easier adoption: Habit stacking helps reduce mental effort required for new behaviors by connecting them to existing routines. Examples include brushing teeth and immediately doing a short stretch.
Modify your environment to your advantage: Make your environment work for you, rather than against you. Create a space that helps reinforce positive behaviors and reduces distractions.
Mindset and visualization are powerful tools:Positive visualization can help build a strong, empowering mindset, which is essential to implementing new habits and overcoming setbacks.

Sources:- Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2011). Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. Random House Business Books.- Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What we Do in Life and Business. Random House.- Goldstein, T. (2015). Willpower Doesn't Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success. Little, Brown Spark.

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"Education-and-self-development can help navigate the challenges of personal-growth when establishing new habits and achieving specific goals."
"By focusing on emotional-investment, gentle-encouragement, and a well-executed plan, we can facilitate personal-growth via education-and-self-development and work harmoniously with our emotional brain (the elephant) and rational brain (the rider)."