Uncovering Your Desires: A Guide with Illustrative Examples (Revised)
In the journey of life, a question that often echoes through our minds, from school days to adulthood, is "What do you want to do in life?" This query, while seemingly straightforward, can be complex and multifaceted.
School psychologist, teacher, and internet counselor from Estonia, shares a simple yet profound counseling catchphrase: "It's okay!" This phrase encapsulates the essence of navigating the complexities of self-discovery, acknowledging that it's a process that involves introspection, trial and error, and leaving one's comfort zone.
To differentiate between what one truly wants and what one thinks they should want, it's crucial to recognise the difference between genuine desires and perceived wants. Genuine desires stem from internal needs aligned with one's authentic self, while perceived wants often originate from external pressures such as social expectations, fear of judgment, or cultural norms.
Strategies to uncover your true wants include reflecting inwardly, asking not "What should I want?" but "What does my soul or inner self genuinely need right now?". It's important to be aware that many wants are influenced by societal trends or expectations and may not lead to personal fulfilment. These are often superficial or "thin desires" that can distract from deeper authenticity.
Observing if pursuing certain goals leaves you feeling empty or disconnected may indicate those goals were driven by external "shoulds" rather than internal truth. Practising ongoing self-inquiry and curiosity about your own evolving experience helps reveal authentic wants over time as you reconnect with your values rather than reactive demands.
Distinguishing between essential needs (such as emotional connection, peace, feeling known) and external wants helps prioritise what is truly fulfilling vs. what is merely desirable. Experimenting with new things can help one discover what they truly want, and setting goals can provide direction and motivation.
Figuring out what one wants in life is a process that requires flexibility and resilience. It's normal for even the best-laid plans to change as life throws wrenches in the works or priorities shift as one tries out new things and collects new experiences. The author, at 25, did not have the life they thought they would have at 25, as described in a letter written to their 25-year-old self in 9th grade.
Finding one's purpose is an important step in understanding what one wants in life. Growth often occurs outside of one's comfort zone, and setting goals is essential for motivation, but one should not be discouraged when plans change. The author's career as a school psychologist is a career they enjoy more than they thought they would, despite not having initially wanted to become a school psychologist.
Ideas of success and what people should strive towards are influenced by culture and generation, and may align with or be at odds with one's own wants. Few people know what they want in life, and even fewer end up with the things they think they want. So, remember, it's okay to not have all the answers, and it's okay for plans to change. The journey of self-discovery is a lifelong one, filled with new experiences, self-reflection, and growth.
Engaging in introspection and personal-growth activities can help clarify one's genuine desires, guiding them towards happiness and personal fulfilment. One's educational-and-self-development journey should be geared towards nurturing career-development that aligns with their inner soul's needs, fostering a sense of purpose and overall well-being.
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